Dear Old Love

Your mother left me a voicemail last night. I immediately felt extremely sad and happy all at the same time. Pacing back and forth I decided to call her back. TWo minutes into the convo she says, ”He still hasn’t looked for work and he gained all this weight from sitting around playing video games.” At that moment I felt a bittersweet instant relief, you are exactly the same.

This isn’t original, nor creative, or anything unique by any means. But, I want you to know- I will love you forever, despite the overwhelming fact that you left me.

Whenever we’d fight, I was always careful with my words and actions towards you. Meanwhile, you never thought twice about showing me antipathy over things that weren’t even my fault. I only broke up with you because you needed to start being accountable. Truth is those fights never made me love you any less. 

I will sleep with your Dallas Cowboys tank top until it doesn’t smell like you anymore. 

I had a dream last night you were trying to kill me. Maybe because when you left me, it almost did. 

I was always your priority. Meanwhile, his political principles are his priority.  Maybe that’s why I miss you, because you put me over anything, but then, you don’t have your own principles. So I don’t know which one is better, a man with principles or just you?

I will always remember the time that we spent together on the lake. Talking for hours until the sun came up. I’ll always miss those hours. I’ll always miss you. 

Twenty years ago we used to snog and make out but never got together, I wanted you so much but was too shy to do anything about it.

New Year’s Day this year I dreamt about you, messaged you to tell you. What followed was lovely and exciting and I know if we met now it would be so different, electric.

I absolutely hate how you would still ask me advice about her.

You said: “I don’t go out too much these days, I have to study for the exam” when I asked you when were we going to see each other again. And here you are, with dozens of “attended” parties and events on Facebook and pictures of you and your damn friends. I hope you fail the exam, ‘cause it seems like you’ve already failed in a lot of things.

I taught you about Led Zeppelin, anal, playing guitar in the park and love. You taught me how it feels to be cheated on with way too many guys and then be told that it was my fault and that you never really loved me. Hmm. I’m starting to think that maybe, somehow, I got ripped off here.

Wow, I hung in there way too long hoping you’d see your way to love me, but you really didn’t even SEE me.