It’s madness, how much I refrain from going online, so you wouldn’t think I am waiting for you there. So you might take the opportunity to miss me.
Twitter of Insight
I used to stalk your Twitter every few hours. Then just every day. Now I go weeks in between and when I do check, it’s more to roll my eyes at how absolutely deluded you are, and how deluded I must have been to share your view on how awesome you thought you were.
I have long since taken out the picture of us, because all I need to remind me of you is the frame you gave me.
I shouldn’t have kissed him on New Year’s Eve. But you still should have kissed me at the Metro station on St. Patrick’s Day.
Three years ago I would have taken a bullet for you. Now I can’t even bring myself to take your calls.
Why can’t we be a movie-perfect, romantic couple and find a thousand ways to fall in love, instead of a thousand ways to fall out of love?
I miss your soft lips. Had I known the last kiss we had was our last, I would have put my all into it.
Not-so-handyman: One time in four and a half years; the rest I had to do myself!
You’re the only reason I don’t keep my phone on silent anymore when I go to sleep. I keep it on full volume right next to my pillow now, where it just waits for one of your drunken texts or phone calls.
I’ve found that at the time I took a gamble on you & lost everything, I was also finding myself. So while the things I lost were priceless pieces of my heart, the things I found were just as precious. And for that I thank you.
Your new girlfriend says she hears voices, and yet I’m the crazy one?
Being with you felt like a mistake. Walking away felt like a mistake. So tell me, which was the right mistake?
Your lies, vile personality, and the heart break you caused inspired some of the best lyrics ever written. Thanks.
Advertisement for Everything
All these years and a whole lifetime later you are still the advertisement for everything I want and how she will never match up. Please stay away. Or come back to stay.
Despite being certain you don’t love me, and never did, I still also think we could be great together.
Whenever I read a Dear Old Love that sounds like you, I want to call you. Then I realize you’d probably think expressing your emotions was stupid. Because if you couldn’t ever say it to me, how could you say it to the internet?
Stop swishing you cute apple butt at me at parties already. For years now everyone else has known I want you back. Can you get the message already?
Feeling the Cold
You’ve wished me happy birthday every year for the last six years, but not this one. I know it isn’t just me who feels your cold shoulder, but nobody else promised to love you. We may have broken up years ago, but I won’t break the spirit of that promise.
You’d think that after a year I’d dream about you a little less frequently.
I’m glad reggae stresses you out; at least there’s one music that’s left to me.
Below the Limit
He’s sweet and kind and he treats me right. But he doesn’t push me to my limits like you did. I miss that.
Thank God your name is so common. It made it so much easier not to cry whenever I heard it.
Let 'er Rip
Thank God I never showed you the real me; you would’ve ripped me to shreds.
I’m over wanting you, I’m just not over missing you.
I may progress in all other things in life, but it feels like I will never grow past you.
It’s hard to pretend that I don’t care about you all the time.
I still have those moments when I am buoyed by the hope that somehow, one day, this will all work out for us and we will be together. Then I remember that I’m not living in a romantic comedy, and I pour myself another Scotch.
Perhaps I should get stone dead drunk - at least then I won’t know I’m thinking of you.
You weren’t the gift-giving type, but you shared so many symbols with me, I can fill my house and closet with things that remind me of you.
It’s funny that you only wanted to combine our accounts after I told you I had already saved a bunch of money.
One evening, I came and stood across the street from where you live for a whole hour, just to watch your shadow through your room.
I’ve moved to three different provinces since we broke up but I keep getting chased by your ghost.
I want to hate you for calling me drunk at 2am, but in reality I hate myself for being weak enough to answer the call.
When I asked you to grow a moustache because I liked them, you complained and said they were fuckin’ stupid, and shaved every day to spite me. Now we’re broken up and you obsess over the moustache you’ve grown and how awesome they are in general. It’s just more proof that I was always too cool for you.
I passed your house earlier and I was filled with rage. So I stole that potted plant outside your door. Steal two years of my life? I’ll steal your plant.
You loved girls with red hair, but I was a brunette. And to think that I was going to dye my hair red just for you so you would take me back…
Time made me realize that I’m not crying because I’m not with you, I cry because I am alone.
You chose crunchy. I chose smooth. When you left, I bought crunchy hoping you’d come back. But now all I’m left with is an empty jar of peanut butter.
What hurt more than knowing you told all your friends about the miscarriage, was that the people who you told said kinder words to me than you ever did. You never even asked if I was okay.
It’s like there was a list of people you needed to see, and I was always at the bottom of that list.
I can’t believe that after so many years, you tried to get back together with me, just because you saw that I’m happy with someone else.
I dressed up like a queen and looked fantastic for the party because your new girl was there. She was wearing a Guns N’ Roses t-shirt.
How did we get to the place where I draft the things I want to say to you into Dear Old Love posts instead of text messages?
The more I love you, the more I cry. I have to drink more and more water everyday just to survive my feelings.
Trying to pinpoint where I went from girly pants to funny girl.
I hope you think of me when you eat a Philly Cheesesteak or cinnamon almonds.
You keep telling everyone you wished you’d met me when you were 40 and ready to settle down. Well you didn’t. And now I’m left wishing I hadn’t met you at all.
So Much Better
You’re so much better than you let yourself be. I miss the you I barely ever saw.
You were supposed to be sad when we parted. And I was supposed to be happy that you’re gone.
It would be much easier to forgive you if I could just make myself believe you did not realize you were treating me like an asshole. Sadly, you told me you knew exactly what you were doing the whole time.