June 2011
50 Questionable Reasons
Even if you were to call me up right now and say you wanted to try again, I would have to say no. Not because I love you any less, but because I’ve gained 50 pounds.
Interference
I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your lies.
Monsterapology
I’m sorry for being such a monster.
Up Split Creek
I blame your parents’ split for the breakdown of our relationship and your loss of faith in love.
Stop Looking!
Every time I see that you’ve posted something on Facebook, I get the urge to drive over to your house and punch you. Every time.
Sweet Bane
Though you have always been the bane of my existence, I never stopped caring about you.
Seven Layers
After I stopped at our Taco Bell I didn’t realize until I was in the doorway that I’d gone to your old apartment instead of mine. And it’s been two years.
Religious Follower
You were the very first person to religiously follow my blog. I sure hope you’re not the last.
On and Away
I moved away but never moved on.
Scream Anyway
I want to scream “I’M HAPPY!” as loud as I can from the roof. I know you still wouldn’t be listening, though.
Back There
Love isn’t always an occurrence of the present. Sometimes love is in the past, and you don’t realize it until it’s too late and beyond remedy.
Straight Hate
You make me hate being straight.
Objectively
I’m sorry I acted like a crazy stalker. But I just can’t let you go, even though objectively you’re kind of a scumbag.
Friend Tide
All of my friends came back when you left.
Unjuiced
We never did go drink that baobab juice.
Picturing You and Yours
I check your page every few hours to see if you’ve changed your picture to one of you with someone else. Every time I see that you haven’t, I’m filled with relief. I haven’t put much thought into what I’ll do the day you do change it.
You.
You. You. You. You. You. You. Lunch. You. You. You. Call cable company. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. Cocktail. You. You. You. You. Ambien. you. You. YOU. YOU! YOU! YOU! Night sweats. You. You. Snooze button. You. You. You. Shower. YOU! YOU! Dress. You. Toast. You.
Infinite Return
I have to stop thinking that after every date you’ll somehow still be the one I end up with at the end of the night.
Weekend Prayers
I used to pray that I’d see you out on the weekends. Now I pray that I don’t.
Half & Half
Half the time I pretend we are still together, the other half I pretend we never were.
Sensing Something
Strange how you always turn up out of nowhere when my other relationships are ending.
Compared
You compared me to everyone you’d ever met. I was never an individual to you.
Canadian Bacon
I miss hearing you and your brother joke about how Canadian bacon looks like tiny vaginas after it’s cooked.
Come Running
You could still come running after me.
I Bet You Didn't
I didn’t want to run into you, either!
She's Better
I’m now convinced she’s better for you than I ever was, or ever could be. And that’s okay.
Similar Dif
I’m not sure if I loved you, or if I loved that you rescued me from loneliness.
Re-Upped
It’s been four and a half years. I had a dream about loving you again last night, and now I miss you again like it was yesterday.
Sweet
Your lips will always taste like sugar cookies and Nutella.
Not Sure if this is an Analogy
You burnt the pie filling, not me. All you had to do was stir.
Checked-Out
Even though you’re far away, I still find myself hoping you’ll come through my check-out lane, so I can offer you a fake smile and pretend I don’t know you.
Blocked but not Out
Blocking me on every social media networking site does not make me nonexistent.
Never Too Young...
Come back! We can’t be old loves yet!
Ol' Sagheart
I miss you as much as my saggy heart can.
Ray of Light
I’ve had enough of mourning. Instead, I’ll listen to your favorite Madonna album and curse the day you called me yours.
Scary Dream
I had the scariest dream last night…you loved me.
Violet Shirt
Wearing your violet shirt always gives me the feeling that you’re still here, hugging me.
Can't Figure
I can’t figure out why I want you to know that I love you, still.
Sharky
Falling in love with you was like being attacked by a shark. I didn’t know if I was supposed to stay still or swim away or punch you in the nose.
Easy Mistake
You are complicated, confused, and conflicted, and I am sorry that I mistook your drama for fun.
General Consensus
I would agree with the general consensus that Facebook pokes are stupid and pointless—if I didn’t get them from you.
Embrace the Walks
When you held me after one of our walks, it felt like it was our last loving embrace. I blew away these thoughts and smiled. But I was right.
Phonesleep
I miss falling asleep on the phone with you.
Drizzle
You always showered me with attention. I’d be happy with a light drizzle now. Sorry I let go.
IBF
I miss you so much you’ve become my new imaginary best friend.
Guess High
I guess you had to be high to appreciate me.
Embers
It took me by surprise how quickly embers from years ago could be fanned into flames.
My DJ
You always knew what music I wanted to listen to, even when I didn’t.
Milked
I regret refusing to give you milk while you were eating pasta.
Threaded
You are woven into the fabric of my life like a zigzagging, wrong-colored thread. It ruins the whole pattern and it’s all I can see. But pulling it out would eff up the whole thing.
