May 2011
Back to the Bar
Let’s go back to sitting at the bar debating over whether we should sleep together or not.
Tuggy
Do you still like tugboats?
Danced
I did love dancing with you.
Hooked on Something
I can’t hear ‘Hooked on a Feeling’ without thinking of you ripping your pants off in front of everyone and dancing towards me in those ridiculous boxers.
Withdrawals
I’m having you and tequila withdrawals.
Boobie
We should have known that stealing a nickname from a break-up song automatically destined us for our own eventual destruction.
Tryless
We worked when we didn’t try.
No Reply
You always used to get the last word. I feel so powerful when you shoot me a text and I don’t reply.
Current Distance
I map out how far “my current location” is from where your summer vacation will be…I miss our friendship.
Tea Time
I remember how sweet your sly grin was that morning when you asked me to pronounce “Darjeeling.”
Craigslurk
I still lurk the Craigslist for your city to see if you’re desperate enough to post in the personals.
Patch-Job
I put every ounce of my effort into patching myself up before I’d see you, but I suppose it was still pretty apparent I was busting at the seams with problems.
Ring Size
I would’ve been content with the most minuscule of engagement rings with you, but it’s not that way with him.
Paper
Today is our one year breakup-iversary.
Almost an Honor
Your number is now listed as Voldemort on my phone.
Closureing Time
I thought I needed to find closure to get over you, from you…but I ended up finding it in someone else.
Presently
You’re living in the future and I’m living in the past.
Breezeway
The breeze always makes me think of you. As if the gusts of wind throw memories of you right in my face and mind.
Substitute
One day, you will see, everything will work out just like we planned, except you won’t be the one standing next to me.
Ounce With Me
For every ounce of love I gave you, I loved myself a little bit less.
Intimate Knowledge
Don’t act like you don’t know me, I’ve seen you naked!
V-Plates
People call you a player now—it makes me proud to forever own your V-Plates.
Yeah, Where Is That Guy?
You act so tough and emotionless these days. What happened to the guy who refused to stop cuddling after sex?
Still Heart NY
We were in love when we moved to New York together, but only my love of the city remains. It was always the healthier relationship anyway.
The Fear & Insecurity Duo
It was my fear and insecurity that nearly prevented our relationship from beginning. But it was your fear and insecurity that brought it to an end.
You Had It to Give?
For what it’s worth (which obviously isn’t much), I’d have given you the world.
DJ Bridge
You can be the techno DJ, and I’ll be the girl who sings the bridge.
Perfect People
We were perfect together as people—just not as people in a relationship.
Picturing
Sometimes I picture your life 20 years from now. It helps.
France Off
I don’t want you back, I just want you to stop existing in my world. Move to France and shut up about it already. Is that too much to ask?
Hair Compare
One day I’ll be able to style, cut, or dye my hair without comparing it to what your girlfriend is doing with hers.
Your Number
Yours is the only number I have memorized.
All My Friends
All of my friends hate you for what you did to me. I wish I could, too.
Part of Me
Part of me really wants to tell you about all of the amazing sex I’ve had since we split up.
Cutting
Thinking of you is like inflicting wounds on my heart. I never knew how much of a self-mutilator I was.
Outgoing
But your voicemail message said you were only “temporarily” unavailable.
Taking a Turn
You don’t get to ignore me anymore. Now it’s my turn.
Stubby
Every time you contact me it’s like stubbing my toe over and over again. I need a new couch.
One Way
Everything was like a one way street that favored you.
F.J.P.P.
You are my most frequent, joyous, painful, persistent thought everyday.
Monology
Our dialogues turned into my monologues.
Unfortunate
Ironic that our most memorable movie date was seeing A Series of Unfortunate Events.
While It Lasted
It was fun while it lasted, but I’m so glad it didn’t.
Aw Yee-uh
I hope you still pronounce your “aw, yeeeee-uh’s” the same.
Instead
Instead of “I love you” it’s “I loved you?”
Keep Warm
Keep warm and goodbye and I’m not really sorry because, hey, in the end, it was all inevitable.
Best, Worst
You are the best and worst thing I’ve ever done.
Chippy
I have these little chips in my glasses from when you dropped them in the driveway. No one else notices, but I see them every day and am reminded of you.
Cute Locked Messages
The worst part of losing my phone was also losing what little I had left to hold on to—all of the cute, locked messages from you that are now gone forever.
Disappointment
You are my biggest and most favorite disappointment.
