I put on makeup when I’m driving around your side of town.
You wore a necklace that said “Nobody.” I felt bad and made you take it off. But now, after everything you’ve done, I wish you were only a nobody, instead of a sick somebody.
I couldn’t tell if it was hearing your voice for the first time since you walked out or the blueberry vodka that warmed me.
Just in case you ever wonder, the answer is still no, I am not wearing any underwear.
I hate that you’re punishing me with your silence, and I hate that it’s working.
Town and Out
Sometimes I think the only way I will ever be able to escape you is if I escape this town.
When I drink Rolling Rock, I taste your kiss.
At least you were good practice for when true love comes along.
I need to stop Facebook-stalking you. It only makes me miss you (and dream about you) more.
Cue Warning Signs
I should have seen the warning signs, but I couldn’t after the way you looked at me while gently biting your tongue, naked on the wine-stained pool table.
Every time I see you, I run through a list of naughty things I would like to do with you if we were both single right now.
Learn from Them
All your new loves seem to adore me and want to be friends with me. Why can’t you?
Lots of Sugar, Lots of Cream
I have no intention of going out for coffee with you. I want you to feel the sting of knowing that I’m the one who left and is never coming back.
Pop that Tart
I hate cherry Pop-Tarts. You’re going to come back to eat the ones in the cabinet, right?
Breaking all the General Rules
I think the general rule is to wait a month for every year you dated before moving on. But then, you were always a rebel.
Ghost in My Machine
I liked the way you loved zombies and candy corn. Falling for you was like being in love with Halloween.
The top 25 most-played songs on my iTunes are all reminders of you.
Thanks for making me regret losing my virginity to you.
Open Bed Policy
If you ever grow tired of falling asleep alone, my bed is open.
Less Than Always
Whatever happened to, “It’s always been you”?
Hoping & Timing
I know that one day you’re going to look at me and realize that I’m who you’re supposed to marry. For your sake, I hope that when it happens I still feel the same way.
Heart Went On
My heart never stopped feeling what my mouth quit saying.
Not Back at Me
I can’t remember the moment I fell in love with you, but I do remember the nanosecond I realized it was unrequited.
I’m pretty sure my heart beats more weakly since you’re gone.
Ever since I figured you have a thing for strippers I can’t help feeling like you are profoundly lonely. It’s better than the “total perv” conclusion.
Don’t you ever wonder? Wonder what I’m doing, how I’ve been, when you’ll see me again? Wonder how we fell apart?
Get Your Crisis On
Are you having a mid-life crisis yet? Hurry up already. I may be too old for you by the time you finally come around to it.
I always loved you more when you didn’t love me back.
No Sparing Stay
I’d rather you leave forever than stay sparingly.
You Or Someone Like You
I still crack my window late at night, hoping you’ll sneak in one last time.
My love for you lives in the thunder.
Disgusted or Jealous
You’ve become part of one of those couples we used to make fun of. Can’t decide if I’m disgusted or jealous.
Getting Over Myself
Most of the time I’m still furious at you. But sometimes I wish I would get over myself so we could be friends again.
Get Back to Me
I hate it when you don’t write me back.
The Best-Worst Things
All the best-worst things remind me of you, like America’s Best Dance Crew, sugar-covered donuts, and techno-pop.
No Truck with Those Texts
I don’t care about your new truck. Please stop texting me about it.
The Art of Overstatement
It gives me comfort knowing you’ll never date someone as artistically talented as me. I’ll always have that.
You never told me about her. Why did you tell her about me?
Bacon Ice Cream
Just remember, I made you bacon ice cream before Denny’s made it popular.
Trusting another human being never came naturally to me, but after dating you, it became impossible.
I think you gave me up for Lent, because you know you like a challenge. I guess we will see on Sunday.
Dear Unknown Love
If I don’t think of anything else, I think of you. Actually, there is nothing else on my mind. Thing is, I haven’t even met you yet.
It’s easier to blame the Patron for our bad decisions, rather than my desperation and your confusion.
One concert ticket, 10 movie stubs, 34 pictures of us, and countless unsent letters now haunt me. But I refuse to get rid of them.
I somehow manage to make everything I see and hear relate back to you.
Good luck finding someone else who is not only willing, but excited to plan a hypothetical honeymoon going around seeing football matches all over Europe.
So Many Letters
I would have loved you fffffforrrrrevvvverrrr.
I can’t tell if you’re as perfect as I think you are, or 23 was an especially mystical age to be, and we happened to be going through it together.
I keep finding your guitar picks around the apartment.
Doesn't Seem Like THAT Big of an Admission
I always found it cute, the way you held your coffee cup. I was waiting for a special moment to tell you, but it never came.