December 2011
How I Miss
I thought I would miss you happily, instead I miss you desperately.
Don't Say It!
The problem is, no matter how much time passes, when we say ‘I love you’ at the end of our messages, I’m scared I’m never going to mean it as platonically as I’m meant to.
Got That, Dude?
Every time I call you “dude” I’m really thinking “Babe” or “My love.”
Penalty Boxed
But mainly, I regret telling you that I liked hockey when I absolutely do not.
Wedding Litter
You married the guy you cheated with and I got the cats. I’m sending you a mound of wedding cake-shaped litter as a congratulatory reminder.
Unhaunting
You were in my dream last night, but for the first time since May you weren’t there to haunt me.
No Time
I wasted five years of my life in a relationship you never wanted to be in. Forgive me if I can’t spare another five seconds.
Deja-Vu
I dreamed of you last night. You were a selfish bastard, your friends were warning me you just wanted sex, and you were keeping me away from the guy I currently love. It was more like a deja-vu than a dream.
Texted Back
I had a dream that you finally texted me back. When I woke up, I cried for days.
High Bar
Thank you for setting the bar pretty damn high so I wouldn’t get into horrible relationships. It’s 10 years and 4 boyfriends later, but you’ve helped me find someone perfect. I hope you’re happy, too.
High Bar
Thank you for setting the bar pretty damn high so I wouldn’t get into horrible relationships. It’s 10 years and 4 boyfriends later, but you’ve helped me find someone perfect. I hope you’re happy, too.
Bargain Bin
I saw the movie we watched on our first date at the store the other day. It was at Walmart, at the bottom of a bargain bin, on super-sale for $5
Small Proposal
We always talked about creative proposals, and now you’re giving her a ring at your family’s Christmas dinner. Good to know you aren’t using any of our good ideas.
Fearing Happy
My new boyfriend told me I was “afraid to let myself be happy.” Wasn’t that the same thing you said to me? Some things never change.
Maybe It's for the Best
Even though we weren’t even 21, I still sometimes wish I’d gotten pregnant, so that you couldn’t have run away from our problems as effortlessly as you did.
Change of Word
At what point do I have to stop saying “crush” and start saying “unrequited love”?
ReProm
Five years later and I still feel bad about not taking you to Prom. It may not have changed much in the long run, but it would have been the right thing to do.
Nothing to Show
Our love was so great, how did we walk away from it with nothing to show?
Cold Nose, Warm Lips
I miss those kisses we shared when we’d come in from playing in the snow. Your nose was always freezing but your lips managed to stay warm. I didn’t mind your coffee breath.
Headache Pill
Now every time I have a migraine, I lie in bed, cry, and wish that you were there to stroke my hair and kiss my forehead until the pain subdues.
Oh Canadian Coffee
I wish Tim Hortons hadn’t been your favorite coffee place, because now it hurts to even look at it.
Sometimes
I think about you sometimes. By sometimes, I mean all the time.
Profiling On
I can’t bear to delete my old profile pictures of us. And I feel better knowing you haven’t deleted yours either.
Fake Mistake
I wish I drank so one of these cold winter nights I could fall back into your arms under the pretense of a drunken mistake.
Sadder or Worser
Some days I wonder if I’m getting sadder about losing you or if I’m just getting worse at pretending I’m fine.
Fuzzy Tea
Although we ended badly, your love was like the cups of tea we used to share. I still get the warm and fuzzies when I drink tea.
Non-Commity
You’re the reason I can’t fully commit. But I don’t think I ever even cross your mind these days.
Our Bad Times
At least the bad times were ours—your angry face twisting words that never came out of my mouth.
Through Screens
I miss talking to you through screens, but all I really wanted was to lie down next to you and hear you speak.
Jumpy
Our relationship was never going to work, but I still get turned on every time I see you and it’s hard not to jump you.
Dear Old Loves
You all can be summoned in a passing whiff of Bed Head hair gel, cigarettes, Old Spice, patchouli oil, used commercial fishing nets, Turkish coffee grounds— I wonder what smell you remember me by…
Depends on the Text
You left your iPod, engraved with your name, on top of my car on Valentine’s Day after we broke up. Three years later, you threaten to call the police because of a single text message from me. I don’t think I’m the creepy one here.
Burrito Date
Jealousy swims through my veins, for she can go on burrito dates with you. While I sit 2,456 miles away, starring at a screen wishing she didn’t update the world about it.
Making Up
Make-up sex was never the answer. But it always ended up being the best we’d ever had.
Anger Transfer
I was unreasonably, inexplicably angry with him the other night. Then I realized it was because he was reminding me of the parts of you I couldn’t stand.
Talk to the Band
Your band can be my Facebook friend but you can’t?
Sneaky
I fell in love and all I got were these sneakers.
Unhealthy
I never talk about anyone as much as I talk about you. No one should care about another human being this much. It’s not healthy.
Until I Wasn't
You had a way of making me feel like the prettiest girl in the room. Until I wasn’t anymore.
Pretty Damn Cute
I thought we were pretty damn cute and might actually make it. I still think we are cute. We just will never make it.
Attached
Remember when you asked me if I was a virgin because you were worried I would get attached to you if I was? Well, thanks for the warning, but regardless of whether or not you were my first I still would have gotten attached.
Yes
All I want is my one weekend with you to get you out of my system so I can move on and leave you alone. Is that too much to ask?
Practice Bad
It’s a shame we didn’t last. All those nights in your tiny basement bed would have been great practice for sharing a twin XL.
Strong Sense
I was waiting to be seated when a guy passed by me. He smelled just like you. How is it that after almost 3 years, I can’t remember how you sounded or how you felt, but I can remember, as if it were yesterday, how you smell?
Demeaning Things
I’m doing demeaning things with disgusting guys. This must be what you meant years ago when you said I’d find someone better & be so much happier than we ever were.
Just Do It
I’m willing to let go, but don’t know how.
Coming True
Last night I dreamt that you ignored me. I guess dreams do come true.
Passed the Past
Yesterday, I passed a lot of places that reminded me of you, but it’s you I’ll never get past.
Deskwalk
I hate walking past your desk thinking, “I still love you.” Just make it easy and love me back.
Crazy, Stupid Things
I say lots of crazy, stupid things…mostly to you.