Every time I get a text notification—EVERY TIME—I hope it’s you. My family and friends would be crushed to know how disappointed I am when their names and numbers pop up.
I miss being the girl you always came back to when we went swing dancing.
Who's Your Stay-At-Home Daddy?
I wanted you to be my stay-at-home dad.
Another Big If
You could if you wanted to.
Or Unsafely Say
You can now safely say that all your ex-girlfriends have been suicidal.
Dear Old Dog
I wish I could just love and pet you once in awhile.
One Bubbly Chance
The night we took a bubble bath, I whined because you pulled off your panties before I could do it. You said, “Oh, there’ll be other times.” There weren’t.
Or At Least Shut Up
Why didn’t you just shut up and kiss me?
That's an Odd Confirmation Code
You leaving me confirmed my fears that you are my soul mate.
When I was coming off drugs, I wanted you to hold me. But you didn’t call and she had the same name, so I took what I could get.
You were an even exchange for every single bad thing that’d ever happened to me.
So many feelings. So few right words.
If you know another way, I’m listening.
All I want is for you to crash my birthday party this weekend. That, and to hug you in public until it gets awkward for everyone. See you around 4pm Saturday? Bring beer.
For being such a wonderful toucher, you sure are a horrible keep-in-toucher.
About 1,230,000,000 Results
I’m Googling you—I just wish I had gotten your last name.
That's a Good Thing!
No one will ever talk through movies with me the way that you did.
Since We Met
I haven’t felt truly alone since the day we met.
I never had anything to give you. Now that you’re gone, I’m overflowing.
It never would have worked. I was Yelp and you were Zagat.
Running for Something
I’ve taken up running. Every time I want to give up, I think about how incredible the sex will be when I finally win you back.
I like to think that in five years, when instead of 19 and 31 we’re 24 and 36, we’ll keep going where we left off—you waking me up in the middle of the night by kissing the small of my back. But I know it’ll be too late.
Let Me Specify
I don’t want you, and I’m not jealous. But I want what you have with her.
I replace Billy Joel’s pronouns so the song is about you when I sing it.
I thought the hot sex and our matching iTunes libraries were enough. Wrong.
Seriously. Why are you five years old?
Sometimes I want to give up on loving you and let a computer decide for me.
I take the longcut past your house any chance I get. Not because I want to see what you’re doing, but just so I can ponder why it’s so hard for me to cut you out of my life,
Not as Bad or Good
I know you’re probably not as bad as I think you are now, but I also know you were never as good as I thought you were then.
We stayed after school for Creative Writing Club. You walked me home and lent me your faded Levi’s jacket. It felt so good to put my hands in the pockets where yours had just been. Wish I’d been brave enough to kiss you.
One Last Thing
I’m gonna make damn sure this is the last thing I write about you.
On Sunday you became a father and I spent the entire day having sex. I bet we both think we got the sweet end of the deal.
Kiss It Forward
I find myself kissing my new guy the way you used to kiss me.
No one washes my wrists like you did.
My memory isn’t what it used to be. Come home and remind me.
I can put back all the pieces, they just might not fit the same.
Growing Up & Out
I was in love with you, but I also used to love watching Barney and eating Kid Cuisine TV dinners.
End On Purple
We both should have known starting a relationship with a purple pill wouldn’t end right.
In my mind you were mine. What did I know?
No Argument Here
You were never any fun to argue with; you never got mad enough to even have an argument.
Three years, four lovers, countless kisses, and one boyfriend later you are still the one I talk to in my head.
In retrospect, I could not have picked a more inconvenient person.
Quick to Kiss
I‘m glad you weren’t one of those people who wouldn’t kiss someone they just met.
When I told you I was waiting for Prince Charming, you said there’s no such thing. But I was talking about you.
You are cordially invited to be a part of my life.
A Joyful Disturbance
You disturbed me so joyfully.
I still remember that small, dark, loud room, and our lemony breath on each other’s faces.
After Ice Cream
You’d come over with ice cream and we’d hug. I wish that had been enough.
What a Gipp
The day of Ronald Reagan’s funeral, I drove all over town looking for your house. I never found it.
You were right—there is nothing like a whole night spent on your trampoline.