You took me places I’d never been, and we never had to leave our room.
What I Don't Regret
I regret a lot of things. Spending five years loving you without one word of encouragement…that’s not one of them.
You broke up with me. I knew you would for days. I know that cool breeze all too well.
I hope the tree you carved our initials into gets knocked down, shredded, and made into toilet paper.
My New Kentucky Home
I didn’t want to think about you. But then I realized that that would require getting rid of all my clothes and my belly button ring, changing my hair and my eye color, and moving to a state that you’ve never said the name of.
Stop trying to define maturity, and start acting mature.
I Contain Mulchitudes
I think I’ve been over you for years, but every time I come home I still check to see if our mulch pile is back.
I’ve tried to fall for others to let you off the hook. Instead it makes me aware how much I’m on it.
He’s taught me to add milk to my scrambled eggs, but I miss making them for you naked, with only paprika.
Hot tip: When you called me your baby I felt all was right in the world.
No one will admire the shape of your fingertips like I did; I stake that small claim.
All I wanted for my birthday was for you to unpack your boxes to prove that you were staying. Instead you left.
Know It All
I used to think you had all the answers. Too bad you still think you do.
I couldn’t be sweetness and light every day; sometimes I had to rain.
He has loved me for half my life, wants to marry me, have kids, grow old together. He lights up my world. So why am I thinking about you in all your emotionally unavailable, brooding anti-glory?
I broke up with you because I knew it wouldn’t hurt you too much.
Give It Away
I was so bummed when you ruined Red Hot Chili Peppers, gold trucks, and bad jokes for me; then I realized: They were never that great to begin with.
I’ll never find someone quite like you again. Thank God.
When you were a baby, I’m sure everyone cooed that you’d be such a heartbreaker one day. Unfortunately, they were more than right.
I pray that I never email you while drunk again. I give thanks that I didn’t tell you how much I love you.
You didn’t even let me be the little spoon.
Do You Need To?
I still can’t decide if my life was unbelievably exciting with you, or is just unbearably boring without you.
I told you I didn’t believe in love, but that’s only because you were with her.
Ten and Out
You stalked me to the twelfth page of my Google results? I don’t even make it to the twelfth page of my Google results.
No matter the miles or years that have come between us, I feel the same now as always. How can that be?
Couldn’t you have at least pretended that I was kind of a big deal?
Thanks for teaching me how to love animals and laugh at myself. You’re a cool chick.
A Charged Room
I wonder if you know what an erotic experience it was for me just sitting in the same room with you?
You are the only devil to whom I want to sell my soul. Too bad you’re not interested.
Hell Me Through This
When I think of the hell you put me through I want to hit you. When I think of the hell I put me through I want to hit you even harder.
I’ve taken to whispering “I hate you” every time I randomly think your name, which is either an angry healing technique, or an outright lie 100 times a day.
These shoes you let me borrow indefinitely—I don’t like them all that much. But I do like the fact that they were yours, and the idea that some part of us matched perfectly.
I’ve taken to naming every zit I get after you, just to make sure they will leave me in a timely manner.
The next time I’m in a relationship, I’ll refuse to listen to music together. I’ve ruined too many songs that way.
I still pick out cute underwear that you would like to see me in.
You wrote “I love you” above my bed. Now that we’ve separated and you’re so far away, I keep looking at my ceiling and saying it out loud. I hope and wish you can hear me, wherever you are.
Wherever I Go, There You Are
I thought by coming to this country I’d think of you less. But all I can think of is how much I wish you were here, seeing the things I’m seeing, with me.
Define With It
What the hell does “maybe” mean?
You’re still the only one I’d trust to deejay my party.
In a perfect world it’d be July 15th, 2007 every day. There would always be walnut trees around me, and the grass would be warm on my feet and back.
I’ve noticed you still wear the old bird pin I made you. I noticed because a year and a half later I am still reading your blog every day.
Chug, Chug, Chug
I wish I were still your favorite bottle.
Promise me you’ll keep Twittering into your eighties, so I’ll always be able to keep track of you.
Across the Lake
Sending you messages from across the lake for you to miss me. And to do something about it.
I feel a strange connection to you. I want to be assured you are OK. I am curious about the person you’ve become
Can't We Both Be Lucky?
You were the lucky one for getting to kiss me, not the other way around.
They Really Really Like Me
Everyone loved us together. Since it ended, everyone still likes me, but fewer people are fond of you. Maybe I’m a bad person, but I take comfort in that, even as it makes me feel sorry for you.
You’re the reason I deleted Facebook. I’m better off without it…and you.
I like to inspire people and cheer them up, but I have my own life, okay? I wasn’t your Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
In My Head
Today I stopped talking to you in my head, and I suddenly feel a lot lonelier.