January 2010
Tough All Over
If you think this is tough for you, imagine what it’s like for me.
Bootlegging
I endlessly search for rare music by your favorite artists to find a reason to contact you. Why can’t you like more prolific bands?
Really. It's Fine.
When I said “It’s totally fine!” after you apologized for breaking up with me, what I meant was, I had to get multiple antidepressants, failed two classes, got fired, and had to withdraw from school.
Sleep On This
When I was in your arms, I slept like a baby. When I’m in hers, I don’t want to.
The Fool
I don’t know what’s more embarassing: the fact that I read tarot, or that I still ask the cards about you.
Forever Mooning
Sharing something as permanent as the moon with you was a terrible idea.
Gravitational
I only just realized that you found my body so amazing because your main source of comparison was your ex-wife, whose body had 17 more years than mine to feel the effects of gravity. Still…
Dov Tailing
I keep checking, waiting for your butt to show up in American Apparel’s Best Bottom contest.
Punched Out
Having your permission to punch you in the face and actually doing so was the most exhilarating thing I’ve done in awhile. Two years of anger gone in three seconds.
Pop that Quiz
I tried to become valedictorian at the School of You, but I failed too many exams.
Doing Just Fine
With Mr. Brightside playing on my iPod and the image of you and her in my head, I’ve never run so hard in my life. Thanks for a great workout!
In Day Cares and Night Schools
You knew I was fragile—you said you would handle me with care.
Breast Intentions
My breasts recently turned a gay man straight and yet they couldn’t entice you to text me back.
Trademark Whimper
How dare you tell me she cutely whimpers in her sleep. That was my thing first and you know it.
Making Things
Hobby Lobby runs aren’t the same without you.
Only in Cursive
I love writing your name in cursive, still.
Aw That Missing
No guys here say “Aw” everytime I say “Pft.” I miss your “Aw.” And you, certainly.
Without Even Trying
I try not to think about you. Then I heard someone talking about how her husband was the only person who just got her, without even trying. I resisted texting you for thirty seconds.
Game Not Over
I still go online every Friday night awaiting your impossible arrival in the place we first met.
Nosed In
I smell you in my secret pack of cigarettes. You were in the whiff of spring I caught last weekend in the melting January snow. You are mixed with the detergent in my bed sheets. Get out of my nose, please.
The Vids Shoulda Been a Tip-Off
Little did I know that the things I thought were “our things,” like baking cakes, playing video games, and watching your favorite movies, were really “your things” that you do with whichever cute girl you decide to bring home.
Next Season's Look
You really shouldn’t have bought me a summer dress for Christmas if you had no intention of staying around long enough to see me wear it.
Smoking Up
At our cafe, I looked up from writing my letter and saw you walking down the street, smoking a cigarette, oblivious to my presence. You were well-dressed and seemed content. Why was this never the case when we were together?
Mutual Funs
I’ve been spending a lot of time with my vibrator since you’ve been gone. I do hope your hand is just as fun.
Picture That
I hope it says something about the modern age, and not just about me, that I could be sad about a guy who sent cock pictures so early on.
A Sinking Dreamboat
Being around you is like a good dream, the kind where you wake up and wish you hadn’t had it because you’re jealous of how good it seems, when there’s nothing really there.
Aren't They All
I was so sad to realize you were just some horny dude on the internet. I’d hoped (and you said) you were more than that.
The Good Fight
I thought lovers were warriors against the world, not each other.
Does She Put Up?
She’s a bigger person than me for putting up with your parents.
And So It Went
After you went down on me, you told me I was the breakfast of champions. I love that we both thought of Kurt Vonnegut.
She's Had Enough
When I told you I loved you over two-dollar margaritas, you laughed and told the waiter to cut me off.
New Profile
I tried to change my profile picture to something without you but the page wouldn’t load. Now I’m a question mark.
Day-O
That day had so much potential. Too bad you were there.
Pilling
Taking a pill that makes me violently nauseous and unable to orgasm is still better than fully understanding that you dumped me.
That's No Good
Being alone helps me remember what it was like to love you.
H-Card
You took my virginity and my heart 23 years ago. I wish you would’ve left my heart alone.
Tough Proof
I must be over you at last, because someone else just broke my heart.
Careful What You Kiss
You should know that the most miniscule teaspoon of hope would feed my love for months at a time.
Can Be Done
Loving you was like dancing to no music.
Busted
You told me you were broken, and I helped you realize you weren’t, only to find out you were.
Threesomething
Well, my it seems that my mother, my therapist, and my psychic can agree on one thing: you were never going to be able to love me the way I loved you.
Thump
Every time I think, hear, or see something about you, my heart beats faster. If I die from a heart attack, it’s your fault.
Emoticonned
I just realized that you were never flirting with me. You just love using emoticons.
Mature
The more I meet girls, the more I miss how much of a woman you were.
Down the Hatch
At long last I own a bottle of that special tequila we shared one spring. If only you could be here to drink it with me.
Bell Ringer
He is a good man, but he doesn’t ring my bell the way you did, which is funny, because most people consider him much better looking than you.
The Ones
I finally realized that you’re not the only one who could make me feel this way.
All New
This new guy is going to be a totally different dear old love than you were.
Pick One
You will always be the man I love. But he’s the man who loves me.
Forbidden City
I can’t bare to enter the Chevron station, Jersey’s bar or Fry’s grocery without you.
