One night we took pictures with my digital camera that turned out blurry; you told me, “Someday we’ll look back on these and almost be able to hear ourselves laughing.” I guess I always thought you meant we’d be looking back on them together…
I wish I was tough enough to tell you to never speak to me again, but I just wind up white-knuckle gripping the pieces of you I still get. Just like I always wish I would have ordered my own dessert but just wind up nibbling on yours.
We were so young, what else were we to do? We had nothing to give but ourselves, pulling and ripping each other apart until there was nothing to give except hollow eyes and empty i love yous, our bodies, and it didn’t even feel special anymore, it never really did, just empty angry lust for something greater.
The blurry sounds of the party were blocked out when we laid on your trampoline in the dark and you told me that you loved her. I rolled over into another boy’s arms and let him bite me on the neck. I was hoping you’d be jealous.